Hello dear Livejournal, dear neglected friend. I'm back.
In February 2009 I went to Bali to find myself and realign. To give myself a clean slate and a new beginning, in an effort to refocus my life in a new direction.
Less then four days after my return, the Universe decided to call my bluff and started to strip away everything. Before it was over...
I had lost my career and my marriage.
A beloved uncle had died.
and I had lost my stability and (briefly) my sanity.
I was literally left with a clean slate. No job, no direction, and my best friend was in the process of removing herself from my life. I spent the next three months living out of my car and sleeping on sofas as I attempted to relocate back to Baltimore and start over. The true turning point was my birthday in September. That was when my beloved Tara threw me a party and I was surrounded by those that are dearest to me. So strange that it took Sarah leaving for my two circles of friends to really start to cross pollinate. Having all those loved ones together was amazing. Just having Emily, Tara and Warren in the same room about filled my heart to bursting.
(And somewhere along the way I reconnected with Jessica too, who seems to show herself at turning points in my life. I'll continue to be your Catalyst darling, if you continue to be my Muse, just as you have always been.)
Related to the above comment is the lesson I learned from Emily this year. In my arrogance, I thought I had sort of mostly figured out Love. Turns out, I hadn't of course. Love can come in many shapes and colors, and even romantic love (for lack of a better term) can be a deeply fulfilling thing even when not followed through on in the typical way. I discovered the use of the word to be oddly liberating instead of providing the nausea inducing emptiness that it would have given me in years past. Why is it that the English language only gives us one word for Love? It probably says something about our culture, though I'm not sure what.
My new job, though the very definition of mundane, meets the criteria I set out for myself. I wanted any new job of mine to pay the bills; not make me want to eat a bullet every morning; allow me to deal with people; and not make me compromise my appearance in any way. It's not some noble stand of mine on this last point, it's just that I'm 35 and I'm kind of over it, ya know? This is who I am, take it or leave it. So yeah, the job is good. My coworkers and the organization itself are great. I'm happy there, and it gives me the flexibility to pursue other things. Like my "other job" which is working at Ed's shop teaching board games to people every week and occasionally helping out with other projects or events. I'd love to be even more involved, but it's largely a matter of economics.
FaerieCon in November was an event which was quite meaningful to me. It was 2008's event that inspired me in no small way to really focus on that which I was passionate about, and in a way, this year's event was like coming full circle. I had an amazing conversation about art and life with Ian McCaig, who once again offered his assistance with keeping myself on target. My current goal is once I get my books and animals and everything settled into the new place, I hope March to be the point at which I pick up my carving tools again and really make a go at this thing.
Finally, FaerieCon also allowed me to meet someone who, if the fates are with me, I will continue to share space with in the coming year. And her better half too, I might add.
Things are looking up. I do live in Roland Park for fucksake, so that's kinda fun.
If only Sarah would talk to me more often I'd be pretty damn happy, but she's not ready for that yet. Time will tell.
I certainly feel no lack of love at the moment, I'll tell you that. Perhaps it's worthy of another post entirely, but I can't even imagine trying to date anyone (else?) at this point. I mean, really, why bother? :)
Tags: crushing oblivion, games, love
Current Location: Roland Park, bitches.
Current Mood: hungover and happy